In the last post, we met Handsome Harry who sleeps around, a lot. The Macho Kid part of him thinks that he’s such a stud. But Realist Kid knows why Macho Kid pushes Harry to sleep around.
It’s because Macho Kid doesn’t want Harry to ever get dumped by a woman.
You see, Harry’s dad left when he was a kid. Harry’s mom wasn’t trying to be cold to Harry. She was raised to not show affection, and she raised Harry the same way.
Harry’s mom loved him more than life itself, but his young mind couldn’t see that.
She wanted to raise Harry and herself out of poverty. And she wanted him to go college, so he could have a better life. If she had to work two jobs to make all this happen, she’d do it. She didn’t need to tell Harry she loved him; she was sure he knew it.
- Oh, she was wearing a foggy pair of reality glasses that distorted her vision.
- She couldn’t see the pain Harry felt when he felt unloved. She couldn’t see his reality.
Harry thought her constant working meant she rejected him, that he was unlovable. He had no idea how much his mom loved him.
- He was just a kid seeing the world through a foggy pair of reality glasses that distorted his vision.
- He couldn’t see her working two jobs as a sign of love.
- He couldn’t see her reality.
Result? Harry’s young mind needed to protect him, and it created a part called Macho Kid.
Macho Kid’s main job was to protect Harry from getting hurt by a woman ever again, but he still needed to feel loved by a woman. What to do, what to do. Eureka! Macho Kid came up with a solution. Sleep around but avoid having a long-term girlfriend. That’ll make Harry, happy, right?
Realist Kid tries to tell Harry that his path won’t lead to happiness.
But Macho Kid shouts over Realist Kid, drowning out the message. Macho Kid’s voice is louder. Now and then, Realist Kid sneaks a message to Harry, but Harry brushes it aside without realizing how important it is.
When any subconscious kid tries to “risk” Harry’s safety, the powerful Macho Kid shouts the kid down, justifying it as “I will protect Harry, no matter what. The ends justify the means.”
But Macho Kid doesn’t have total control. A random life event happens, and Harry realizes he’s truly unhappy.
Harry sees a hypnotist, starts untangling the knotted ropes of old beliefs, and finally comes to peace with his past. He starts dating, meets a wonderful woman and has his first healthy relationship.
Macho Kid has matured and gives himself a new name, Mature Man. And he keeps the role of protector.
When Macho Kid was in charge, there was no way Harry would be allowed to risk rejection.
But now that Macho Kid has matured and become Mature Man, Mature Man only sees one path to protection, and that path means pursuing true love. Anything else leaves Harry doomed to unhappiness.
So Mature Man now gently nudges Harry into taking risks, to being emotionally vulnerable with his partner, and to be the first to say, “I love you,” instead of waiting for her to say it.
Sadly, she doesn’t say she loves him.
She gets scared, and she leaves him. Mature Man realizes that she wasn’t the right one, but he has no regrets. He will find someone who can truly love him as much as he loves her. He’s sad but not devastated. He focuses on all the good in his life and that eases the pain. Time heals the rest.
Before the breakup, Mature Man helped Harry to feel at peace with the risk, because Mature Man knows that risk is part of the deal. After decades of pain, Harry has finally found peace. And ironically, the part that once accidentally hindered his life is now truly helping him.
Harry take risks in love and in life, and he’s at peace with uncertainty.
Risk is no longer a bad word. In fact, risk and opportunity are two sides of the same coin for him. Stay tuned for the grand conclusion in part three coming up.