We all have an inner critic, a voice that says, “You don’t deserve X… You’re not good enough… Who would want to be with you… You’re doing it wrong… Who do you think you are?”
I’ve heard these lines in my head. Perhaps you have, too. For some people, it just feels like reality. They don’t realize it’s a learned behavior or pattern, not inherent to their existence.
The good news is that there are many ways to shift the inner critic to something more useful, and to then feel good when you hear the inner voice.
Here’s one simple technique. Though it’s not a complete solution, the simplicity means you can get started with it immediately. No need to learn a lot as it’s pretty simple.
Use the following technique when you find yourself thinking you don’t deserve something, or you’re not good enough, or really any unreasonable critical thought. And yes, “unreasonable” is a subjective term.
Handling the Inner Critic: Asking questions
Let’s say you’re thinking, “I’d like to do something nice for myself. How about doing X…” But then suddenly, your inner critic speaks.
Inner Critic: You don’t deserve to have X.
Conscious mind: Thanks for the feedback. We picked up that belief, long ago, didn’t we?
Inner Critic: Yes.
Conscious mind: What do you think of dropping that belief and updating to something better?
And then see what your subconscious mind says. Have a gentle conversation with your inner critic. Don’t try to convince it that it’s wrong. Keep returning to the idea of, “What do you think of dropping that belief and updating to something better?”
Your inner critic may get upset, it may get confused, but as long as it’s engaged, that’s a good thing.
Start with just this simple technique, and see how it goes.
If you get stuck, just email me, and I’ll make a suggestion to help you keep talking with your inner critic. By the way, your inner critic isn’t the bad guy. It’s actually doing its best to help you. Unfortunately, its best isn’t all that great.
But you can gently help your inner critic to become your inner cheerleader or helper, and that’s a much more useful subconscious part. It feels good to have that inner voice cheering for your success.