This past weekend, my wife Holly and I went to Cost Plus World Market. They carry furniture, home items, and food from around the world. As I browsed, I saw a jar labeled “Vegemite. Concentrated yeast extract. Proudly made in Australia since 1923.”
Eureka! When I was a teen, Men at Work was a popular band from Australia. Their big hit, “Down Under,” had a line about a vegemite sandwich. I used to wonder, “What’s a vegemite sandwich?”
Fast forward about 30 years, and here’s a jar of vegemite. Question: out of all the items on that food shelf, why did I notice vegemite? Perhaps because my brain’s been wondering about vegemite for 30 years. And when you ask your brain a question, it keeps searching for an answer. More specifically, your subconscious mind keeps searching. Sometimes it finds the true answer, but sometimes it makes up a fake answer as Jane’s about to find out…
Jane’s life is pretty good by most standards, but not to hers. After her promotion at the hedge fund, instead of celebrating, she thinks, “Took them long enough. And only a $150,000 raise?” When her friends threw her a surprise birthday party, she thought, “I wish I’d known so I could’ve dressed up.” When her young children served her breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day, she thought, “These pancakes aren’t as good as mine. I should tell them to redo it.”
When life gives Jane lemonade, she makes lemons. She’ll often say, “Why does my life stink?” That “why” question can be dangerous, because the subconscious will find an answer even though her question isn’t properly crafted. It’s like me asking, “What’s 10 plus blue sky?” My question isn’t properly crafted, because “blue sky” can’t be added to the number 10. It’s a bad question!
Jane’s subconscious will try its best to answer her question, “Why does her life stink?” It searches Jane’s database for bits and pieces, solves a few quadratic equations, does some calculus, performs a few chemistry experiments, and gazes through its built-in electron microscope. After all that work, her subconscious proclaims, “Jane, your life stinks, because you don’t deserve happiness.”
Now Jane feels worse. It confirms what she suspected. And for the rest of her life, she’ll ask why her life stinks. And she’ll keep getting variations on a theme: you don’t deserve happiness; your parents didn’t love you because you aren’t lovable; there are happy people and unhappy, and you just fall into the unhappy camp. Etc.
But when if she’d asked a different question, a question that actually can be answered properly, such as “What can I appreciate in my life?” Then her subconscious would help her see all the good in life, and she could start learning new habits, habits that help rather than hurt. That question change may not be all she needs, but it’s a good start. It’s better to ask questions that have an answer instead of questions where the subconscious just makes up a false answer.
About a year ago my wife Holly and I bought a real fixer upper. My recent question: “What’s the reason I’m feeling overwhelmed with the house remodeling, maintenance, and recent shopping for the bathroom remodel that I don’t care much about?” Improved question: “What’s one small step I can take this weekend to feel more relaxed about the house?” Next improved question/thought: “Hey, what’s important here? It’s not about me. I’m spending weekends looking at sinks, tiles, and fixtures, for one simple reason: it makes Holly happy. Isn’t that reason enough?”
And as I think about this revised question, my head feels lighter and more clear. Instead of thinking, “Ugh. Another bathroom showroom this weekend?”, I’m thinking of how I can be a more pleasant remodeling partner. Not because I care so much about the remodel, but because she cares about the remodel. Asking better questions = better results.
What’s a question that you ask yourself that has room for improvement? Feel free to post your question and revised question, so I and others can learn from you.
In Australia they LOVE to eat vegemite the way we Americans love to eat peanut butter. That was the best way it was explained to me anyway. I don’t know if you decided to sample the vegemite, but I have, and it was unbelievably disgusting!!! They say it’s an aquired taste.
L