To recap from part one, Jane wants to quit smoking. But one part of her (Dom) wants to smoke, and Dom is stronger than the part that wants to quit (Tiny). Without even talking about hypnosis, how can Jane possibly quit smoking?
If you need to catch up, here’s the link to part one. I’ll wait until you read it, so no rush.
Good, you’re back.
In the physical world, how would Tiny beat Dom?
After all, Dom is much bigger and stronger than Tiny. The way that Tiny can beat Dom is by playing a different game that doesn’t involve physical strength.
Let’s say Tiny is great at a certain video game and Dom has never played it. Then Tiny can beat Dom in this video game. Yeah! To beat your opponent, make sure you pick the game.
In the subconscious world, how would Tiny beat Dom?
Well, I would say change the entire dynamic. Instead of Tiny wanting to beat Dom, it would be better to harness Dom’s power. It’s better to have Dom be a friend rather than an opponent.
Think about it: Dom is incredibly strong; that raw level of power can be harnessed in a healthy direction to accomplish things other than smoking.
So how does Jane actually quit smoking?”
Tiny and Dom need to become friends. Dom needs to want to quit smoking. Why? If Dom wants to quit smoking, then no one can stop him; Dom is powerful.
Here are some broad steps to go from Tiny and Dom fighting to something much more exciting.
- Tiny needs to genuinely respect Dom’s positive intentions for smoking.
Right now, Tiny thinks Dom is being illogical for smoking. But if Tiny could understand Dom’s worldview, Tiny could appreciate how logical it is for Dom to smoke. And if Tiny appreciates the logic, he could then appreciate Dom’s positive intentions for smoking. Positive intentions are the key.
- Tiny needs to care about Dom’s well-being.
Right now, Tiny sees Dom as an obstacle to quitting smoking. But if Tiny gets to connect more deeply with Dom, Tiny will start to care about Dom.
- With all this respect given to Dom, then Dom begins to soften his feelings.
He begins to care about Tiny and the other subconscious parts of Jane. By the way, the subconscious parts (i.e., Dom and Tiny) are metaphorical. I’m not claiming that there are literal beings within Jane’s mind called “Tiny” and “Dom.” The names just represent aspects or roles of Jane.
- When the time is right, you then ask Dom to consider other ways of getting his needs met.
You don’t ask Dom to stop smoking until the relationship is strong enough. In the romantic world, I didn’t ask Holly to marry me after our first date; that’s bad timing! Tiny needs to ask Dom to get his needs met without smoking being involved.
- Help Dom to get his needs met without smoking.
I won’t go into details here, but let’s just this is the easy step. Getting to this point was the challenge.
- Find out if any other parts have objections to quitting smoking.
Clear up those objections.
- Once everyone’s united to quit smoking, then do the razzle dazzle.
Now Jane is free of smoking. And since Dom is now the protector, Dom will protect Jane from cigarettes until she doesn’t need protection. At some point, it’s even possible that Jane will forget that she ever smoked. (I’m not kidding; that actually happens to some hypnosis clients. The client intellectually knows they used to smoke, but on an emotional level, they may “feel” that they never smoked.)
Here’s one way of looking at parts. In my life, I have many aspects/roles/parts in my life.
- Family roles: Husband, son, brother, cousin, nephew.
- Business roles: Hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner, business owner.
- Other roles: Pedestrian, driver. Fan of music from the 1980s, fan of romantic comedy movies from the 1930s. And I could list dozens of other roles…
All these roles I listed above are a part of who I am. If I’m walking down the street, I’m playing the role of pedestrian. When I get to my car, then I’m playing the role of driver. I play many roles each day. Another way of putting this is that I have many parts to who I am.
Sometimes my pedestrian part is working a lot; other times it’s my driver part.
In that sense, Jane the smoker has many roles or parts as well.
One part of Jane wants to smoke, and a second part of her wants to quit. She’s in conflict with herself. And which part wins during a direct battle? The stronger part, which in Jane’s case is Dom.
The key to beating Dom is to not play the game.
Instead of fighting such a powerful part, let that part become your friend. Is it always easy bring two parts together? No. But it is the key to letting go of smoking.
Because once Dom no longer wants to smoke, he’s not going to let anyone make Jane smoke.
If someone offers Jane a cigarette, Dom will step in and decline the cigarette. Once powerful Dom decides to play a new role, he’ll use that power for good.
Bottom line: move from a win-lose type of model to a win-win type of model. When you fight yourself, even if you win, you lose.
In my opinion, much of the stress that people feel is due to internal conflict. Sometimes we don’t even know what the conflict is about; but we know something’s going on when we feel drained of energy, tired, stressed, etc.
If you learn self-hypnosis, you can learn to talk to your subconscious. When you talk to your subconscious, you can bring those conflicts up to the light. And then you have the option of resolving those conflicts (e.g., smoking). And once you resolve that conflict, you free up your energy and just feel good.